ON THE MELANCHOLY OF LIFE

​Believe me, every heart has its secret sorrow which the world knows not; and oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad. 

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The idea behind the word melancholy is that it involves feelings of a degree or genre of sadness inherit to the fact that life is truly unfair and difficult and that suffering, injustice are part of life and the big universal expression and experience. 

Melancholia, in the past was considered one of the four temperaments in pre-modern medicine and proto-psychology, representing a state of low mood or depression. As at now, a person suffering from melancholic depression, life often seems meaningless or without purpose.

It is normal to want to be happy, to encourage happiness and love but, in truth we must admit to ourselves and others that indeed most of life is about grief, pain and loss. It is said that the good life is not one without suffering but one that contributes to our strength and development.

The melancholy expresses the reality that one must not be grim, miserable or alone but grasping without rage, wrath or confusion the facts of life and one must know that its rare to find a solid perpetual inner peace and that its hard to live comfortably with anyone, as well as the person we love – the good may have a hard time, the bad may be as free as a bird.

We see the world, the news – hear, read and know of peoples suffering but as much as we sorrow, sorrow as well at our own lot, we in a way regret that we are powerless to do anything and we are saddened by the mindless hurt, that can be a heartbreaking thought. 

Being betrayed, hurt, abused, misunderstood seem to be what we see and feel mostly. Life is such a shit storm, we may desire to look for answers and its not surprising that in such moments people want to take the pain away through drugs, sex, religion or whatever it is and who can blame them.

Sadness does sometimes makes sense. We learn so late about stuff, wishing to go back, change one’s actions. We feel like we have wasted time and yes we all have. The melancholy attitude makes us regret less, to not let us be held by our small and big screw ups, this is wise as opposed to that of bitterness, pain and misery making home in our hearts.

Having a melancholy mind rests in the idea that your sorrow isn’t felt alone and isn’t all about you. You are not in pain alone, your suffering belongs to humanity as a whole past, present and future. To absorb this breeds an attitude of selflessness, compassion and empathy. 

One becomes the “bigger man” which sadly is a rare virtue in our time. This idea of suffering in life shouldn’t make us desperate and lost but more forgiving, stronger, kinder and better able to focus on what really matters with the time we have.

“You can’t always go back and change but you can move forward and improve.”

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ON LEARNING HOW TO DIE

​”Why should I fear death? If I am, death is not. If death is, I am not. Why should I fear that which can only exist. When I do not?”

Epicurus

The subject of death isn’t exactly a comfortable one to anyone, but this exact fact is true and a shame in itself. The idea of loss and pain be as it many is life as is, we all do have every right to resist and to sweep the issue under the rag is but, a common emotional defense mechanism.
 
The very idea of death has a way of paralyzing and drowning our minds. Death is a reality and despite it being a hard pill to swallow, the best we can do as mortal beings is confront the issue, be of comfort and learn to make the best out of the life that we have now.

Whether you subscribe to an afterlife or not, when the idea of death roams the mind of someone, its common to have thoughts about;

– What one has done so far with their life?

 – What is being done and what is being planned to be done with their life?

– One wonders is it meaningful? 

– That if after I kick the bucket as they say, is it going to matter that I was here?

Of course, all these encompass a plethora of answers but, really do have a core theme about them. Like many people, I sometimes feel uneasy that one day I will die, that my family and friends. All my loved ones will as well and we will all be non-existent but, its reality. 

It is also a petty that the only real time we do give some thought to death is when someone dear to us is gone or almost left, we start thinking about what does it means, and then the thought of our own death ensnares our minds but, to know youre going to die and be prepared for it at any time, thats a better and healthier way to face this reality.

Far too often, we want a world of comfort and peace. We want to distract ourselves from what matters, what needs to be addressed and attended too because, to acknowledge what matters is an acknowledgement that we hardly conceive of it. Having a healthy and mindful approach toward death is important and necessary that way you can be actually be more involved in your life while youre living.

 Every day, that inner voice or dialogue you have with yourself that asks, Am I being the person I need to be? Is today the day? Am I ready to expect the unexpected reality of death? Am I ready to embrace death? Am I being the person I want and need to be before death comes?

Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live. Most of us walk around as if were sleepwalking or on autopilot. Learning how to die means we bond so strongly with every event and moment in our lives. 

We appreciate every sunset, sunrise, every walk, every phone call from our parents, every conversation with our friends, every quiet moment of reflection, every culinary delight, every simple pleasure, every sweet sound, every moment of smile and bliss.

Each instant of life would be laced with urgency and passion, memory and attention, of course we can’t remember every second and moment but, the essence of it is what we should truly grasp. We should remind ourselves of the significance that every human experience can yield and cherish each moment. Loving the good and learning from the bad.

We should pinch ourselves regularly as a reminder to appreciate the moments and people we hold dear before death arrives. We should make all days and events meaningful and memorable, monotonous ones as well and as such we choose to make more meaningful steps to make our lives, people’s lives and our future generations lives better than ours. 
By living each day as if it were our last, we relate to each life experience passionately, powerfully with embracing purpose.
Thinking about the future, we should realize that life isn’t endless and we only get to do it once. This realization is striking and should give us the desire and thought that now is a good time as any to take inventory, introspection and make clarity on things that we want to accomplish and experience in the future, when the time is right as life permits.

Although some days feel like an eternity and its easy to take life’s routine for granted, the reality is that time moves us, and if we aren’t conscious and honest with ourselves about what we want our lives to be and embrace the reality of death in ourselves and others, chances are our lives will be met with confusion, regret and heartbreak.

I don’t know what happens after we die and as far as am concerned nothing, but I do know that we have a responsibility and moral duty to ourselves to take charge, to make the best of our abilities and time as we live on earth. To do otherwise is selling ourselves short and taking the life you have for granted.

Learn and figure out what is truly important to you and create a plan to accomplish it. Make a difference in the world and engage in fulfilling tasks. Spend time with the people you care about and don’t live in fear of life passing by or let the reality of death keep your life inactive but, be aware that you are alive and be an active participant in it.
 

Chart your course, be your boss and fight the good fight. It’s never too late to alter its direction, as long as there’s life there is hope. The most important fact of all is that life isnt about anything except the meaning given underneath it, as well as to it and death is a reality to be embraced and accepted.

“Its not the days in our life but the life in our days”

“Those who have lived a good life do not fear death, but meet it calmly, and even long for it in the face of great suffering. But those who do not have a peaceful conscience, dread death as though life means nothing but physical torment. The challenge is to live our life so that we will be prepared for death when it comes.”

Anonymous 

THE PARADOX OF CHOICE

​Do you look at the vast things you can do and try, do you look at the beautiful experiences, skills and places around the world you could be at. Do you ever look out at all? Do you see the cool shit you could do, all of the exciting possibilities and projects and yet you are unable to act, you are frozen in choice. 

The more choices you have the harder it is to choose anything. Just like FOMO it can be a real mix. By definition, its one’s inability to choose in an existing number of options. Its a real thing. 

Plagues our daily lives and we may not see or notice it often. Think of it this way, like a kid in an ice cream shop, so many ice cream flavours to try but, you just can’t decide and in truth, you cant eat them all.

With the paradox of choices, making decisions becomes obsession over making the wrong decision. Fear of the wrong career, wrong love, wrong food and etc. Our ability to choose also depends on the information we are given as we strive to choose. 

In our day and age, let’s just say information isn’t a snow ball’s chance. Barry Schwartz author of “paradox of choice” advocates “the idea of good enough” that is, Most of the time, we don’t need the very best and only rarely is it worth struggling to find the best choice. 

Truth be told, being frozen in choice really means we want the best and that’s not a bad thing, we all want to make the best, get the best out of what we do but, is the best always the best?…not really..
Two things one must keep in mind when put in the box of the paradox of choice.

Firstly, theres always a lesson to learn in all options. One must view making choices as not making a lifelong commitment and choosing one path doesn’t preclude you from pursuing all of your other options either simultaneously or in the future.

Secondly, changing direction later really doesn’t equal failure and it doesn’t render the energy and hard work you’ve put pointless and meaningless. You will pick up skills, knowledge and experience. Pursuing different paths allows us to grow, learn and experience more of life.
When you are stuck, make a list of stuff you would like to pursue. Write down small steps you will do each week to get through your choice. Get more information .Taking action, even incorrect action makes it easier to take more action and correct oneself.

We like to think we can plan everything in advance, avoid pain and disappointment, we can’t. We learn from doing and remember the only wrong choice is no choice at all.

WHY HATERS HATE

​In a wealth and fame obsessed world, everyone has their few share of narrow ideologies and to this births the identity or the one, we all call “the hater”. Is the hater a thought provoker? A champion of change? Or just plain petty?

Before answering that let us examine who exactly isn’t a hater?

Greek philosopher Dio genes pursued a life style away from social conventions, He didn’t simply flip everyone off, he actively loved and lived his philosophy, he said reason is greater than one’s passions, courage greater than wealth and social conventions should be brushed off whenever necessary as all three make life complex and make a virtuous life difficult to attend. One will be free if he let’s go of these things.

Of course, separation, That is from the status quo isn’t easy, and many may think it makes life worse and no better. Dio genes believed in pursuing freedom and a self-sufficient lifestyle.

In short, someone who doesn’t hate, simply minds their own business, someone who is concerned with living their life, but of course, Dio gene was a little extreme, one must find a balance between these things. 

Haters are superficial and petty by definition, as they don’t like what’s not the “in thing, haters hate for many reasons but, have common features to their hating and as much as they may find it “fun” to hate some people, It is not meaningful and doesn’t achieve anything as said by Dio genes

Dio genes was cynic and put his social status in harms way, the hater just stands back and does nothing to their own view, life or philosophy, mostly they are jealous of the things they don’t have, have not overcome their fear to achieve what they want, haven’t worked hard enough to achieve what someone has and in most cases are extremely petty and egotistical.

Haters should not be confused with someone who passes a comment on someone’s “unwise action” but, someone who loves and feels better about themselves over the expense of others in the act of passing said comment.(Hence me speaking about haters isn’t hating.)
Hating should not be mixed or said to be the same as satire or constructive criticism.

Kierkegaard said haters Showing that they dont care about me, or caring that I should know they dont care about me, still denotes dependence. They show me respect precisely by showing me that they don’t respect me.

In truth, haters aren’t player haters, they are self-haters, hence haters are just plain narcissistic and weak, as Fromm said” it is true that selfish persons are incapable of loving others, but they are not capable of loving themselves either”

Haters feel hating will cover their own insecurities. A hater can be like a parasite as its lives or finds its worth in this case in its dependence on feeding or shaming its host. So haters do care but, want to show that they don’t care. A hater denotes someone prejudice, misinformed and someone choosing to not use their intellect.

Haters will always be there in our finest and lowest moments, and whatever form hate takes it can be hard to deal with. So whats the solution? A common answer would be not to care right? Well no, because the statement “I don’t care” is masked with some little vibes of caring and the idea that “haters should be my motivators” isn’t bad but isn’t the best solution as well. The true solution to dealing with haters comes in two forms.

Firstly, is knowing the nature of said hater and secondly, its not accepting what they say and one must be tolerant, because in most cases what they say is meant to get to you, to make you feel inferior in order to lift themselves. 

So be the “bigger man” accept who you are because no one will, be authentic, love yourself and treasure what you stand for, because the good or bad (I don’t mean stupid) things you do will still be met with hate, the words will hurt but you must choose to not let them KEEP hurting you, whether the words are true or not.

This is no easy task but, its better than indirectly letting other people who don’t know better, move or tell you who you are and this solution should in no way make us egocentric instead, make us embrace ourselves, tolerate others and be true to these old words,Sticks and stones may break my bones but, words (will as I choose and know) can never hurt me”

The best way to counter-attack a hater is to make it blatantly obvious that their attack has had no impact on you.

 Timothy Ferris
“True Strength is tolerance

BRIDGING THE GAP

​There is little chance of success in your ventures, plans, projects or business without a well thought out executed strategy or well applied action. However, beautiful the strategy you have to look at results drawing toward your goal as this is just as important.

Everyone begins as a rookie or novice. Every Individual, business, empire starts with a vision or goal. No doubt, a vision is a good thing. Like a journeyman or traveller, the vision is your desired outcome and the North Star guides you to your desired point of interest.

Your strategy is your map and involves a designed plan of action. A vision is nothing without execution. Taking action is just as important as the plan made or the success desired. Deliverance is the spotlight moment, the do or die moment as to whether the plan goes as planned.

The execution is vital. Strategy involves a conscious decision to move from your current position to the one you have envisioned. It requires you to take the steps needed in order to achieve the goal.

There are a lot of numerous examples of people who moved from point A to point B. Point plan to point achievement by taking good effective action. Yet there are also more examples of people running out of steam and becoming stagnant or going backward during execution.

Sometimes, the problem isn’t that the strategy is wrong or because it is outdated and circumstances change, of course one can never truly see or determine the consequences of one’s choices. But the most likely cause lies in the failure to properly execute the strategy.

Bridging the gap between the strategy and the goal is the most difficult in any venture. Rudy Giuliani says “Change is not a destination, just as hope is not a strategy”. Anyone can work hard when you feel like it or are feeling super motivated or if life is basically going well for you but, what about when you get bored? The journey feels hard as it usually does.

What separates losers and winners when genetics, talent, luck or resources mean little? Top performers in any act embrace the daily practice that requires mastery of their act and simply deciding not to change course, following the North Star, adopting and never giving up –no matter what. So true execution comes from embracing execution through the daily grind.

So of course, Rome wasn’t built in a day and execution is just as important as the plan and the results you hope to see and in one way or another better than the goal itself. 

Take for instance, mountain climbing, the thrill of it all isn’t reaching the top per se but, battling and overcoming the elements, overcoming the self and embracing the constant zest and zeal of the unknown, no turning back but, being in constant motion. 

For it is true, as with life, goals and desired results only begin out of the comfort zone. To move from strategy to execution in all aspects of one’s life makes “a man worth his word” 

“All men can see the tactics whereby I conquer, but what none can see is the strategy out of which victory is evolved…Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to Victory, tactics with strategy is the noise before defeat”

– Sun Tzu

DAILY LIVING

​How do we listen to our hearts? What kinds of insights or aid is required to be authentic? How do we embrace the daily grind? The monotony of daily living without regrets, managing our despair and other general ailments?

Existentialist Martin Heidegger’s reply is that everyone comes equipped with an existential conscience that calls to them to live authentically. This conscience turns out to be you talking to yourself about yourself.

This conscience is you trying to shake the part of you lost in the crowd, yourself out of its conformity. When you heed the call of your conscience, you take a necessary step toward embracing yourself and living authentically.

Your existential conscience shakes you from the inauthentic life of the crowd by reminding you of your guilt, which in turn, points out to you your responsibility for taking ownership of what you are as a self or as a being. What this means is that your conscience wants you to own up to the fact that as an existing, choosing, self-determining being, you’re incomplete in some key ways.

The possibilities available to you for self-definition aren’t limitless; in fact, the options you have are structured by the historical and cultural world you’re born into and you can’t simply make all the possibilities available to you, it’s an inescapable reality.

“Think of the call of conscience like a phone call. On one end, you have the person dialling (the caller). That’s you. But it’s the you who’s always in there, in your life, always capable of authenticity (no matter what you do, unless you magically turn into a stone or an animal, this part of yourself is always present). That self always capable of authenticity is the caller. We call it the “You-Self.””-Greg Gale

The You-Self (person you want to be) is dialling up the you who is presently lost in the crowd. It must: Heidegger says the call can’t be addressed to the They-Self. The They-Self is the self of the everyday — the self within you that represents the voice of the crowd. 

The They-Self is the everyone-self that has no identity of its own, the identity you take on when you become steeped in your conformist routines. The They-Self actually avoids the call. In fact, as Heidegger puts it, in the call of conscience the They-Self “gets passed over in this appeal.”

Just to be clear the existential conscience calls you to recognize your guilt — not moral guilt, the difference between the two is that Moral guilt typically acts as a spotlight of sorts. The former results from performing some shameful action, and the latter points to an absence of something in you. 

When you steal or lie, moral guilt pains you because it makes apparent your lack of honesty. Moral guilt makes clear to you that you’re incomplete or limited in some important way.

In contrast, existential guilt doesn’t point to an action, but to you as a being. Moral guilt points to a lack in you that causes that action, but existential guilt points to an absence that’s a fundamental and an essential part of what you are as an existing being. The lack that moral guilt points to should be filled in; the lack that existential guilt points to should be embraced.

To be completely assured that your choice is right, you need to be able to step outside any context that may influence your way of looking at things. What you want is a timeless, “God’s-eye” view of your situation. 

From this standpoint, you could objectively and dispassionately sort through the possible options and figure out which option is right. Heidegger’s point, however, this is when you truly see what you are, you see that this will never happen. You can never step outside your biased framework to see with assurance what’s objectively right or the one true choice.

Heidegger’s point here is that, as a self-defining being, you have to make choices within an historical and cultural framework — one that structures not only what’s possible for you, but also how you think about those possibilities. 

What’s possible for you, in a given situation? Whatever is in your situation, you don’t share the same world or the same history as everyone else. You would inevitably respond differently even to the same situations.

Being a self-defining being daily requires recognising that one is “thrown” into a certain historical situation, a certain time period, a certain culture, and a context that makes a specific set of lives possible. Heidegger thinks that although this does function as a limit, because your power of self-definition is indeed limited, it isn’t something to complain about. 

Instead, it’s the very ground of your freedom. To want to create yourself from the ground up should be seen as inauthentic, essentially obscuring and refusing to face up to the fact that your human existence is a situational one. All lives have a context in which they should be understood.

One as such makes a resolve to embrace their death and view the seriousness of one’s choice as joined together with one’s past, heritage, and selection of possibilities. This joining involving your past and future, birth and death is now expressed in the way you act in and see the present. 

Your life as a whole is unified and self-driven; your present situation and your action make sense in a story that connects your past, your present and your future. This means you daily are an authentic individual. You have to keep it up and keep marching on. This is in a sense, who we are daily and anything else does mean we are living inauthentically. 

FREDRICK NIETZSCHE ON CHALLENGING ONESELF

​Critics of Nietzsche accuse him of being an elitist who was obsessed with greatness and with the creation of the Übermensch (or superman). He believed great individuals go beyond good and evil to accomplish their ends as such, this fuelled a lot of Nazi ideas of fascism.

The Übermensch is largely misunderstood but, is more of an individual and spiritual goal. Nietzsche calls himself the Übermensch (which means superperson or overman, the person who is beyond the form of current humanity)  has yet to exist on earth.

Nietzsche says, Live dangerously! Build your cities on the slopes of Vesuvius! Send your ships into uncharted seas! Live at war with your peers and yourselves! He instead challenges us live passionately, to challenge ourselves and to always push the envelope.

Nietzsche doesnt actually mean that you should literally sell your home and rebuild on the slopes of an active volcano but, life is no fun without risk and challenge through self-mastery. Nietzsche thinks of self-mastery as a kind of art. 

He says, Only one thing is needful; to give style to ones character  a great and rare art! In a sense, when you strive to be an individual, you are at the same time the artist and the mound of clay. You fashion yourself into a sculpture. You look at the desires that compose you and decide what goal or aim you want to see for your life. 

This self-formation requires choice. You have to decide that the clay should take on some particular shape as opposed to some other. Self imposes upon desires a sense of style by making them conform to that self-chosen shape. Nietzsche doesnt mean the imposition of some contemporary style but, a notion of style as expressive of ones individual creative and aesthetic nature.

This ability to give style to your own person requires a lot of inner strength. Treating yourself as a work of art isnt easy. Organizing your life in accordance with a purpose or meaning that reflects your own unique individuality. Only in this way can you be said to truly control your own self. Nietzsche thinks of this person as a noble”.

Being a self requires unifying those warring desires under a central purpose or meaning. So being a self requires mastering yourself by giving your desires a common direction. Challenging self requires the activity of mastering your desires and ordering them around a choice that expresses the meaning youve given your life.

True power seeks to develop internal beauty as a result we must embrace challenge. Truly honouring your purpose in life is living it passionately  pushing it to go faster and faster, each time pushing it, and yourself, to the limit.

Embracing change means exposing yourself to new and different perspectives. This is challenging oneself at best.

Greg Gale put it, Read a book on a subject that completely disagrees with the way that youve chosen to live your life. Learn about your history. See whether youre the victim of self-deception.

Seek to unsettle yourself; shake up what you think and believe. When youre in public, seek out the kinds of people who disagree with you passionately, and talk to them. Cultivate friendships with these kinds of people. Surround yourself with the seeds of your own destruction.

 Nietzsche once claimed, I am not a man, I am dynamite! Well, if youre dynamite, surround yourself with matches. Love the ashes that through it you build your empires.

Life will always be an uphill battle, whether you realise now or not and in true fashion, Nietzsche to put it bluntly in a modern sense says Fight the Power. He views a good and excellent life as one thats always put at risk. Thats the only way to truly value and honour life.
Are you ready to be a warrior for your self-created identity and goal? Can you subject your identity to that kind of battle? Do you love yourself enough? Are you willing to be who you are?

“”Who am I?” remains the ultimate question of human existence, and it is a question we are continually challenged to answer anew, as we go on evolving. 

Nathaniel Brande

MARTIN HEIDEGGER ON AUTHENTICITY

​How can we live authentically? Since the dawn of philosophy, many have paused such a question. Also questions, Like how do we know we exist? Does this object exist? How do things exist? But Heidegger, said before asking about existence we must ask what the meaning of being is?

In being and time, he introduces man as “dasein”, the being that stands out from everyday consciousness and recognizes his own being and asks the question “what does it mean to be”. Before this one fact, one realizes this one fact. One is completely absorbed in the world, dasein is in the world.

Living authentically involves dasein’s understanding of itself as a being that exists and that potentially doesn’t exist or eventually will not exist. We do our everyday things but, with everyday monotony, most don’t heavily realize how their acts respond to themselves and others. 

A craftsman has tools and doesn’t see the tools as independent of self but, when the tool breaks the craftsman sees the tool independent of self and this promotes the thought that dasein will in fact be of non-existence or will cease function as does his tools and the craftsman’s self as does his tools are subject to entropy.

Living with the reality of non-existence or that one may die one day is of importance to living authentically. Heidegger brings out the idea of the “own most” which means that by fact, you will experience your own death and you can’t share it with someone, no one but, you has your life and no one but you will have your death.

“We were born into a world of quiet conformity.

Initially everything we do and say, think and believe

Have been done, said, thought and believed before. The activities we regard as worthy of our time and effort, the ultimate values and meanings we pursue

And the particular styles and forms through which we pursue these goals have all been provided by our various human cultures.”

Unless we find ways to wrest control of our own lives from society,

All of our decisions will continue to be made for us by the unnoticed forces of the cultures in which we live.’

They (Other People) even hide the process by which ‘they’ have quietly relieved us of the ‘burden’ of making choices for ourselves. 

It remains a complete mystery who has really done the choosing. We are carried along by the ‘nobody’, without making any real choices, becoming ever more deeply ensnared in inauthenticity.”

[Martin Heidegger Being & Time, Macquarrie p. 312-313; Stambaugh p. 248; paraphrase]

The authentic dasein sees one existence as one’s own, to be defined and made by one’s thoughts and self. The unauthentic dasein is moved and defined by the public and allows one’s self to be socially constructed and one is lost. 

One must not live alone to be authentic but, to be authentic has more to do with your attitude, it involves confronting one’s values, understanding the social, universal reality one exists in, ceasing one’s existence and making it one’s own.

​FACE EVERYTHING & RISE

Do you feel weak? Do you feel crippled by fear?

If so, hold on to that feeling,

That’s proof that you haven’t given up on yourself yet,

If you have the guts to not give up, you can do anything as seen fit,

The one who acquires the ability to take full possession of one’s mind,

May take possession of anything else to which he is justly entitled to.

We are living creatures that don’t have wings, but still reached the sky and stars.”

To hope is to be human and to fear is to be human. Fear can arise from many sources. Early humans needed the fast, powerful reactions that fear causes as they were often in physical danger from big problems– before modern living took over. 

Our minds and bodies still work in the same way and we still have the same reactions to more modern worries. But we can’t run away or physically attack these problems.

In “Passions of the Soul” Descartes put fear this way, “we can hope for or fear something that doesn’t in any way depend on us. But in cases where we do think of it as depending on us we may find it hard  to decide how to go about getting or avoiding it, or to bring ourselves actually to do what needs to be done.”

 The difficulty gives rise to indecision, the opposite of shrinking reluctance is courage; the opposite of fear (or terror) is boldness.”

Margaret Wheatly says, “Fear is the necessary consequence of feeling hopeful again. Contrary to our belief that hope and fear are opposites where one trumps the other, they are a single package, bundled together as intimate, eternal partners. Hope never enters a room without fear at its side. If i hope to accomplish something, I’m also afraid I’ll fail. You can’t have one without the other.”

Like most modern situations, we are more often presented with events we don’t and have no say in the matter but, to how we response to it’s presentation is indeed the moment of true victory and mostly certainly the defining moment. Unlike our ancestors, fear should draw us to live and embrace life as is. 

Fear does aid us in our ways but if not in its place can indeed make anyone miss out on what this world has to offer. Creating a mental choreography around fear is as such a necessity to living as modern man. 

Decide to make life an adventure, by virtue of you being alive, you can sense, you can create and inspire, you can know joy, laughter and beauty , there is so much to be lived for, explored, experienced and this means embracing the fear. Fear is as necessary to living as is courage.

Being a conscious entity means being aware of our humanity and being aware of our personality. To find that unique voice that is you – but, that one saying does still hold true “man is a slave of his culture.”

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music” Fredrick Nietzsche
How do we transcend this or “going against the grain” or being a non-conformist so to speak? Joseph Campbell says we start by realising that there is no one road map to reality. We are able to create our reality that if we are bold enough to condition our thinking.
 
Only people themselves can give their lives any meaning through the goals they set themselves, the choices they make and the actions they take. Being oneself is wanting to be what we make ourselves be by the way we choose to act. 

In Truth, any meaning that is to be found in this world must be established by each person from within the sphere of his own individual existence and that’s what it means to be a mad one.

Being the mad one is deciding to make life an adventure. Being mad to think, mad to dance, mad to love, mad to dream and mad to choose for yourselves. You are who you are, love who you are.

“What a man can be he must be. This need we may call self-actualization. It refers to the desire for self-fulfilment, namely to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially .This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is  capable of becoming”

Abraham Maslow

“Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

‘Just as Courage imperils life, Fear protects it” 

Leonard da Vinci

​FOMO – FEAR OF MISSING OUT

In a growing world of information and technology ,its fair game to want to be updated with the latest news, trends and pretty much anything that’s new and exciting to one’s fancy or not.

 
The need to get involved, to see, experience new things, gain new skills, meet new people, see new places, read that one book, Listen to that album and yet sometimes within this vast world of options and experiences, one may feel like they are missing out. Being the one in control of what moves you and what you are obligated to may intensify this reality. One of life’s melancholy and yet truest moments.

This phenomena has been dubbed, FOMO – Fear of missing out. FOMO is a mix of envy and insecurity which can lead to anxiety and in most cases indecision. 

The more FOMO consumes you the more you are paralysed with not making any moves(FOMO is the brother of the “paradox of choice”),the pain that one feels from having the thought that others are doing something we ourselves desire may make us feel unhappy and unfulfilled with our current situation. There are two ways of looking at FOMO that is through a romantic or classical view.

The Romantic feels pain that someone out there is living a life that they desperately want. The constant thought of “if only” I had that job, I had that car. They believe in a divine, defined centre. Life is in two parts the mediocre and the elect, they want to be the elect. 

The classic minded do admit that there are indeed wonderful things going on in the world but, the obvious signs of glamour to them isn’t a good guide to finding these wonderful things. They view that good may exist in the ordinary, everything is in mix. 

Fame and fortune may not be a true indication of true intelligence, famous people may be dull and unattractive people can be interesting or remarkable. You can have all you ever wanted by really still be unhappy. They do fear missing out but, view it in that, one can miss out if they are so quick to find happiness away from self, elsewhere.

Whether you feel like you are none, both or one of either, one thing that does matters like a disease – a cure. How should we view FOMO when it does hits us in those moments in your life? 


1. Be willing to not have it all, Accept things will happen without you
You are not a superman or wonder woman. Yes, FOMO can indeed be misleading. Desires and wants can blind us to real life. Accepting the futility of or stop trying to fulfilling every desire is impossible. 

Having the wisdom to control and know when to indulge in – be it in one’s impulses and gratifications is the only super power you have. You may not do everything but, make the best out of what you have.


2. Practice mindfulness by slowing down
Being mindful like my mantra is being present. Taking it slow(I admit, am working on it too) from what I have learnt is slowing down does not mean taking your time or being slow, it means just being at speed with the present, not too fast not too slow. 

The world is a big place, things are going on every second rather than chasing after what maybe an illusion of happiness, make the best with what you have, giving no hard judgment or negative thought to either you or what others are doing  or that you maybe or maybe not missing out on. Take it easy.


3. Prioritise what really matters
Prioritising is one lesson everyone needs. Quality relationships are better than quality possessions. Envy can become resentment if we fail to recognise what we have now and the opportunities that you have to make something of your life. 

Prioritising gives clearer attention to those things that have heart and meaning. Rather than fame, symbol, possessions, focus on a feeling of accomplishment, adventure, self-respect, freedom and fun with people you care about and a life that truly matters.


4. One day at a time by cultivating an attitude of gratitude.
There is always something to be grateful about. Life can be a shit storm. We don’t get what we want, but we do have times of joy, peace, strength and virtue. Enjoy the process of life, life is story, embrace it and live brave.

Pleasure and great FOMO fulfilling experience may be wonderful but, being too occupied with FOMO diminishes our ability to experience the deeper fulfilment that comes from nourishing one’s mind and body.

“Be present-it is the only moment that matters”